Why I’m a good mom

I’ve been reading some information on various sites for women with post natal depression/post partum illness.  And a common theme is that these mothers feel as if they are rotten moms and that their kids deserve better.  Well, I have a few things to say to that:

1.  The very fact that you are trying to find help to make you better confirms that you are a good mom.  A bad mom wouldn’t bother.

2.  Is your baby fed, changed and happy?  Then you’re a good mom.

3.  Do you worry about your child’s wellbeing?  Are you concerned they are developing properly? Do you find yourself reading books on babies and toddlers to try to figure out what you can do better?  Then you are a good mom!

4. When your child is sick you take them to the doctor, you do anything you can to help him/her to feel better. Right?  Then you’re a good mom!

Stop beating yourself up! (She says making a mental note to take her own advice)

Mama R

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On the mend

feeling-better

It’s official! As far as my doctor is concerned the post natal depression is on the mend! For now anyway. I have had 13 good days in a row. Some of them extra good, some of them good and some average. Average like a normal mentally healthy person would have. After 18 months this is a miracle! Of course this doesn’t mean that I won’t have a bad day ever again but it does mean that my moods are mostly stable and if all goes well I should recover nicely. I am so relieved but also a little worried that this is all the medication talking. But I don’t care!

For now I am content and happy to be alive.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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The road to recovery?

It’s 12 days after my last visit to my doctor and I’m still doing good.  It’s a record, the most stable and decent I’ve felt in the 18 months since having DD. Is it the medication? Is it because I’m trying to balance my life and look after myself?

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I’ve been trying to nurture myself and balance housework with doing crafty bits and slowly trying to take care of myself too.  All with big emphasis on taking it easy on myself; being kind to myself and trying to remember to smile.

I’m going to give it another week before I even suggest I may be on the road to recovery. But so far so good.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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PND update: is this it?

Today is the second really good day I’ve had in a row following the visit to my GP and the increase in my medication.  I’m now on the highest dose they can put me on this particular medication.  And yes I do feel completely like I’m a nutcase for taking such a high dosage but at this stage I’m prepared to try anything.  And, so far, it may be working.

Touch wood, fingers crossed, thumbs held and rabbit foot in purse. I got so much done today and yesterday.  My house is more tidy than it’s been in months and we even have clean clothes in our cupboards.  It feels so good!

The GP said I’d know when the dosage was correct when I started having more good days than bad.   So far I’ve had two good days in a row!  I’m almost afraid to think that the dosage might be correct in case this is the high before the low.  Could I be on the road to recovery?  Or is it just the scent of Spring in the air that’s making me more optimistic?

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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An almost good day

I woke up after last nights sleep training with DD feeling quite tired but determined to get on with it.  The past two days have been absolutely awful and I felt determined to make today better.

Julie, my homestart volunteer came over this morning.  She’s so easy going and friendly that I found talking to her so smooth and easy.  I was still in my pyjamas when she arrived but I’d managed to hoover the floors and sweep the kitchen floor.  Not really what I wanted to do but DD was finding bits of crackers on the carpet that were quite obviously from a few days ago.  It was gross. I’m feeling good that I did something at least.   Julie looked after DD while I had a shower and got ready for my eye appointment.

I managed to get through the appointment without worrying too much about DD since I could hear her laughing and talking with Julie.  It feels so good to have finally done something for myself – I’m 3 years overdue for my glasses!  I chose some really nice frames on their 2 for 1 offer. They’re quite trendy and look good on.  I think of them as the modern librarian in style.

and these are my free pair – a bit Posh Spice and very comfy.  At least now I can do my driving lessons without going half blind from the sun in my eyes.

Afterward, as DD had falled asleep on the way out of the precinct Julie and I went for a coffee at Neros.  It was so nice to chat to someone who doesn’t want to talk about babies and also someone who will  let me talk about how I feel if I need to or just talk about superficial stuff.

After Julie left, I sat quietly at home while DD slept and looked up some more info on PND.

Then met a friend in the park for the kids to play.

All in all, a contented day.  Doing pizza for dinner – can’t be bothered to do anything else and since I’m taking it easy, pizza it is.

Tonight DH and I are going to snuggle on the sofa and watch a film.

Looking forward to it.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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Me vs my doctor

I’ve been crying almost without stop since yesterday morning.

After my husband left this morning I started crying again and couldn’t stop. Having decided in my state that the doctor should see me and that I wasn’t leaving until they did something.  I was prepared to fall on the floor crying and wailing if necessary. By the time I got to open surgery  I was a blubbering idiot and couldn’t stop crying.

I told the dr that I had been on meds since last January with no let up of my symptoms and distress. I said I was on the firth medication and was actually getting worse since I had received virtually ineffective treatment for an entire year. I told him that my marriage and child were suffering and he had to do something positive and significant because I was thinking of suicide and self harm. All the while blubbering my heart out.

He told me he was doubling my medication dosage and I had to have it twice daily. I asked him when they were going to stop fobbing me off with drugs and he said that this particular drug had been 80% successful in lessening the symptoms of Pnd to help patients recover. It was just a matter of getting the dosage right.

I told him I’d been waiting 6 months on the supposedly 6 week waiting list for therapy and he said he would personally call them and will advise me the outcome when I go for my next visit next week.

I suppose that’s the best they can do and I have to believe that this increase  will work. Still feel like shit and still crying on and off but hopefully will start feeling better soon.

I’ve been reading a book called the Sleep Sense Program and have decided to follow their program for getting your child to sleep through the night.  A big part of this postnatal depression seems to be sleep deprivation and if I can get it sorted I would probably start to feel a lot better.  Basically the writer advocates giving your child her a sippy cup with her milk (this is going to be an issue because my daughter is still on a bottle) and her story out of bed and then putting her into her cot fully awake.  At this stage you take up a seat next to her cot and when she stands up you lay her back down.  When she cries you can soothe her with your voice and you can stroke/pat your child if she likes it.  If not let them cry but you will be there with them.  Your baby should learn to settle themselves within a few nights.  After the first three nights you move your seat to the middle of the room and follow the same routine and on the seventh night if you’re still having sleeping problems you do the same from the door.  If your baby wakes in the night you follow the same routine.

I’m starting tonight.  I know I should probably wait until I’m a little more relaxed maybe when the new dosage of meds kicks in but to be honest, the lack of sleep and the feeling crap as a result are such a viscious cycle that I have to start somewhere.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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Post natal depression/illness self help guide download

One of my new years resolutions is to do everything in my power to recover from post natal depression.  I’ve started doing my research and although it’s still early days I have found an excellent free pdf download called Self-care program for women with postpartum depression and anxiety from a website called bcwomens.ca

It offers practical suggestions and self help techniques and ideas to help you recover.

Go get a copy.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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