Looking for the good

sad1

My DH may be many things and recently I have felt unloved and miserable but in the past few days I’ve noticed a few things that have made me think differently about him.

One of my big complaints about him is, ‘he doesn’t help me out with the housework.’  On Wednesday night I cooked dinner and left the kitchen in a filthy state.  I’m not a tidy person by nature and when I’m cooking and my creative juices are flowing I make a heck of a mess.  Thursday morning I walked into the kitchen and it was spotless!  My husband packs the dishwasher every morning but I’ve hardly noticed that he’s not only been packing the dishwasher but cleaning the counters, packing away leftovers and taking out the trash every day.   How could I have not noticed?

We were having his work mates and a few of their wives/girlfriends over last night for a poker night so for the past few days I’ve been spring cleaning and basically working my butt off.  When everyone had gone home last night DH gave me the hugest hug and thanked me because he said he had such a great time and he knows how hard I worked to make it happen.

Since I’d had less than 4 hours sleep on Thursday night due to sleep training with DD and our guests left last night at midnight DH keep DD occupied this morning while I slept in.  To be honest I didn’t even hear her wake up!  He took her downstairs, changed her, fed her breakfast and played with her until I woke at 9 am!  I haven’t slept so long since before DD was born.

He thanked me again this morning for such a great party last night and said how he knew I was so tired and wouldn’t want to clean up after the party so he’d done it all.  Everything was spotless when I got up and he even had a cup of coffee waiting for me.  We then spent a lovely day out.

Having a mental illness often keeps me so much in my own miserable world that it’s really difficult to see the positives.  Those being that although DH works all day and overtime too, he’s doing it to ensure I can stay home with DD.  And when he’s home he crashes on the sofa.  I guess I should be grateful that he’s at home on the sofa instead of out chasing tail or drinking.

And while he may not be the most demonstrative man, I asked him today to make a point of being physically affectionate because that’s the way I feel most loved.  I guess I don’t notice the positive things he does and to him, doing things for me = showing me he loves me.   And I suppose while he doesn’t do things for me all the time, at least he does do them sometimes when he has time, energy or when he remembers.  And that just has to be enough for now.  I take for granted that he must be just as tired as me after working long hours, and after hours too a lot of the time but a man who cleans the kitchen for a woman must love her.

That’s my theory anyway, and I’m sticking to it.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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