Me vs my doctor

I’ve been crying almost without stop since yesterday morning.

After my husband left this morning I started crying again and couldn’t stop. Having decided in my state that the doctor should see me and that I wasn’t leaving until they did something.  I was prepared to fall on the floor crying and wailing if necessary. By the time I got to open surgery  I was a blubbering idiot and couldn’t stop crying.

I told the dr that I had been on meds since last January with no let up of my symptoms and distress. I said I was on the firth medication and was actually getting worse since I had received virtually ineffective treatment for an entire year. I told him that my marriage and child were suffering and he had to do something positive and significant because I was thinking of suicide and self harm. All the while blubbering my heart out.

He told me he was doubling my medication dosage and I had to have it twice daily. I asked him when they were going to stop fobbing me off with drugs and he said that this particular drug had been 80% successful in lessening the symptoms of Pnd to help patients recover. It was just a matter of getting the dosage right.

I told him I’d been waiting 6 months on the supposedly 6 week waiting list for therapy and he said he would personally call them and will advise me the outcome when I go for my next visit next week.

I suppose that’s the best they can do and I have to believe that this increase  will work. Still feel like shit and still crying on and off but hopefully will start feeling better soon.

I’ve been reading a book called the Sleep Sense Program and have decided to follow their program for getting your child to sleep through the night.  A big part of this postnatal depression seems to be sleep deprivation and if I can get it sorted I would probably start to feel a lot better.  Basically the writer advocates giving your child her a sippy cup with her milk (this is going to be an issue because my daughter is still on a bottle) and her story out of bed and then putting her into her cot fully awake.  At this stage you take up a seat next to her cot and when she stands up you lay her back down.  When she cries you can soothe her with your voice and you can stroke/pat your child if she likes it.  If not let them cry but you will be there with them.  Your baby should learn to settle themselves within a few nights.  After the first three nights you move your seat to the middle of the room and follow the same routine and on the seventh night if you’re still having sleeping problems you do the same from the door.  If your baby wakes in the night you follow the same routine.

I’m starting tonight.  I know I should probably wait until I’m a little more relaxed maybe when the new dosage of meds kicks in but to be honest, the lack of sleep and the feeling crap as a result are such a viscious cycle that I have to start somewhere.

Bright blessings,

Mama R

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