Hello my lovelies,
Today I woke up to a massive realization. It’s a message that I’ve needed to hear and know for most of my life. You see, like many people, I have lived my life feeling worthless. I’ve lived with the idea that unless I can do something perfectly, it’s not worth doing. Unless I can look perfectly put together I shouldn’t bother. Unless my craft project is perfect I shouldn’t post it to Instagram. We go through life striving for a perfectionism that can never be attained.
When we don’t achieve this idea perfectionism we feel worthless. That’s why I put it to you, that depression is a disease of the mind. It’s symptoms are:
It can lead to low self esteem
It can lead to feelings of worthlessness
It can lead to obsessive thoughts
When we feel like we just don’t measure up we unfortunately, become discontent with every aspect of our lives. When we fail to live up to the perfection we see all around us in magazines, social media, newspapers, blogs, Youtube, we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough.
We feel ashamed of our less than perfect bodies.
We feel like our like we are failures because we couldn’t afford to dress our kids from head to toe in designer clothes or buy them Smiggle backpacks.
We feel like our homes are shabby because we can’t afford to redecorate in the latest trend out of the Next catalogue.
We couldn’t possibly put a picture of the wonderful moment we had with our kids in the garden on social media, because we haven’t mowed the lawn.
We can’t blog our latest craft project because it doesn’t live up to the standard of the project that Miss X did a video on last week.
We discount our achievements because they still aren’t as good and Miss X or Mr Y’s achievements.
We tell ourselves we’ll follow our dreams or live our lives to the full when:
we get to the perfect weight
we buy the perfect house
when we get that perfect job
when we have the money
when we find the perfect partner
when the time is just right
We make excuses about why we can’t do the things we want to do to make ourselves happy because this or that isn’t the way it should be according to the perfect ideal.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that this is all BULLSHIT. Yeah, that’s right, I said it.
It’s pure bullshit.
I’ve been struggling with perfectionism all my life. Perfectionism has made me afraid to get started on so many things.
Afraid to learn to drive because I won’t be any good.
Afraid to put myself out there because other people will find out I’m not perfect.
Afraid to be a friend because people might not like me.
Perfectionism has stopped me from writing my book because it won’t be as good as the great authors and therefore doesn’t deserve to be written.
It has stopped me from losing weight because I could never stick 100% to any eating plan. Which means if I can’t do it 100% perfect 100% of the time, I’m a failure.
Perfection has stopped me from trying so many things. Because I know I can’t be perfect at it.
BUT PERFECTIONISM LIES!
It lies and tells you that ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing right.’ It tells you that ‘practice makes perfect’. It tells you that you must have or be perfect in everything you do in order for people to accept you. In order to be happy.
And I call BULLSHIT on that.
This morning I decided that from now on, I’m going to strive to be better than yesterday. To hell with perfectionism.
I decided that I’m instead of procrastinating over decluttering that cupboard because I don’t have the perfect baskets I’m going to set my timer for 20 minutes and try to make it better than it was.
I decided that I’m going to schedule in writing for 2 slots a week and write what and how it pleases me. Not because it has to be something that the world will want to read. I am going to write what I want to read.
I decided that I’m going to fix my less than perfect hair even if it doesn’t look magazine worthy.
I decided I’m going to follow a healthy eating plan and who cares if I have a couple of meals that are off plan. It’s what I do most of the time that makes a difference, not the things I do sometimes.
I decided that from now on, I’m striving for progress not perfection.
I’ve decided that I will enjoy my imperfect life in all its imperfection and stop comparing myself to what society and other people think is perfect.
It doesn’t matter that my living room isn’t magazine worthy. My family can relax here. We make memories here and enjoy each other here. That for me, is good enough because on the day I die, I’m not going to regret that I didn’t have a show home. I’m going to regret that I spent so much time in the pursuit of a show home that I neglected to enjoy my home and my family in my home.
I’m going to regret not loving myself and spending my whole life being miserable about how I look.
I’m going to regret that my daughter is going to learn from me, that she shouldn’t bother with loving herself or treating herself well.
I’m going to regret that I put myself through so much mental anguish because, I chased after everyone else’s idea of perfect when, I actually had a perfectly imperfect life that I loved right under my nose.
I’m going to regret not making a nice dinner on the patio for a date night with my husband because date nights should be exciting meals out at the Shard.
I’m going to regret being uptight and miserable all the time, never being able to enjoy that imperfect moment that would be just perfect if only I would see it.
Progress not perfection. Better than before.
That’s what I’m aiming for.
And that is enough.