Perfectionism: the social disease

Hello my lovelies,

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Today I woke up to a massive realization.  It’s a message that I’ve needed to hear and know for most of my life.   You see, like many people, I have lived my life feeling worthless.  I’ve lived with the idea that unless I can do something perfectly, it’s not worth doing. Unless I can look perfectly put together I shouldn’t bother. Unless my craft project is perfect I shouldn’t post it to Instagram.  We go through life striving for a perfectionism that can never be attained.

When we don’t achieve this idea perfectionism we feel worthless. That’s why I put it to you, that depression is a disease of the mind.  It’s symptoms are:

depression

anxiety

discontent

paranoia

It can lead to low self esteem

It can lead to feelings of worthlessness

It can lead to obsessive thoughts

When we feel like we just don’t measure up we unfortunately, become discontent with every aspect of our lives. When we fail to live up to the perfection we see all around us in magazines, social media, newspapers, blogs, Youtube, we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough.

We feel ashamed of our less than perfect bodies.

We feel like our like we are failures because we couldn’t afford to dress our kids from head to toe in designer clothes or buy them Smiggle backpacks.

We feel like our homes are shabby because we can’t afford to redecorate in the latest trend out of the Next catalogue.

We couldn’t possibly put a picture of the wonderful moment we had with our kids in the garden on social media,  because we haven’t mowed the lawn.

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We can’t blog our latest craft project because it doesn’t live up to the standard of the project that Miss X did a video on last week.

We discount our achievements because they still aren’t as good and Miss X or Mr Y’s achievements.

We tell ourselves we’ll follow our dreams or live our lives to the full when:

we get to the perfect weight

we buy the perfect house

when we get that perfect job

when we have the money

when we find the perfect partner

when the time is just right

We make excuses about why we can’t do the things we want to do to make ourselves happy because this or that isn’t the way it should be according to the perfect ideal.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that this is all BULLSHIT.  Yeah, that’s right, I said it.

It’s pure bullshit.

I’ve been struggling with perfectionism all my life.  Perfectionism has made me afraid to get started on so many things.

Afraid to learn to drive because I won’t be any good.

Afraid to put myself out there because other people will find out I’m not perfect.

Afraid to be a friend because people might not like me.

Perfectionism has stopped me from writing my book because it won’t be as good as the great authors and therefore doesn’t deserve to be written.

It has stopped me from losing weight because I could never stick 100% to any eating plan.  Which means if I can’t do it 100% perfect 100% of the time, I’m a failure.

Perfection has stopped me from trying so many things.  Because I know I can’t be perfect at it.

BUT PERFECTIONISM LIES!

It lies and tells you that ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing right.’ It tells you that ‘practice makes perfect’. It tells you that you must have or be perfect in everything you do in order for people to accept you.  In order to be happy.

And I call BULLSHIT on that.

This morning I decided that from now on, I’m going to strive to be better than yesterday.  To hell with perfectionism.

I decided that I’m instead of procrastinating over decluttering that cupboard because I don’t have the perfect baskets I’m going to set my timer for 20 minutes and try to make it better than it was.

I decided that I’m going to schedule in writing for 2 slots a week and write what and how it pleases me.  Not because it has to be something that the world will want to read.  I am going to write what I want to read.

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I decided that I’m going to fix my less than perfect hair even if it doesn’t look magazine worthy.

I decided I’m going to follow a healthy eating plan and who cares if I have a couple of meals that are off plan.  It’s what I do most of the time that makes a difference, not the things I do sometimes.

I decided that from now on, I’m striving for progress not perfection.

I’ve decided that I will enjoy my imperfect life in all its imperfection and stop comparing myself to what society and other people think is perfect.

It doesn’t matter that my living room isn’t magazine worthy.  My family can relax here. We make memories here and enjoy each other here. That for me, is good enough because on the day I die, I’m not going to regret that I didn’t have a show home. I’m going to regret that I spent so much time in the pursuit of a show home that I neglected to enjoy my home and my family in my home.

I’m going to regret not loving myself and spending my whole life being miserable about how I look.

I’m going to regret that my daughter is going to learn from me, that she shouldn’t bother with loving herself or treating herself well.

I’m going to regret that I put myself through so much mental anguish because, I chased after everyone else’s idea of perfect when, I actually had a perfectly imperfect life that I loved right under my nose.

I’m going to regret not making a nice dinner on the patio for a date night with my husband because date nights should be exciting meals out at the Shard.

I’m going to regret being uptight and miserable all the time, never being able to enjoy that imperfect moment that would be just perfect if only I would see it.

Progress not perfection.  Better than before.

That’s what I’m aiming for.

And that is enough.

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A day in Wonderland at Chiddingstone Castle

Hello my lovelies,

Today we visited Chiddingstone Castle for their Alice in Wonderland themed day and had the most wonderful time!

We got all dressed up and walked in the castle grounds

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in the mist

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We met the Mad Hatter

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We did crafts with the White Rabbit

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We had a dance lesson a la MC Hammer, Michael Jackson and Gangnam Style in the great hall

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We even caught the Mad Hatter doing the Fadderwacken

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Sang with Alice

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and played croquet with The Queen of Hearts

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we even scooped the Best Dressed prize!

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We had a wonderful day and loved every minute of it

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We can’t wait to visit again.

Bright blessings,

Mrs R

x

Menu Plan: 5 February 2018

Want to serve appetizing, mouth watering food to your family every night? Menu Plan Monday takes all the guesswork out of meal planning. Follow the blog for weekly menu plans, recipes, crafts and more.

Hello my lovelies,

This past week has been just a little cray-cray.  You see, I started working back in the office full time last Monday, and I cannot tell you have tired I have been. It’s been a taxing week for all of us here at Swish Cottage and while I did do as much to prep for last week as I could, I now know there is LOADS more that could have done.  I’m determined to make this next week run super smoothly so that in the evenings we can walk in the door, eat dinner and then chillax.  With that idea in mind, I’ve planned our menu accordingly and cooked it all yesterday!  Yes, you read that right.  I did a massive cooking session (doubling up meals to freeze where possible) to make the evenings less stressful but, also to make sure that I stick to my new low carb eating regime. Everything underlined was cooked yesterday.

For breakfasts:  Missy will be alternating between cereals, toast with spreads and fruit, homemade dairy free waffles and eggs.  Hubby and I will be having low carb egg  ham & cheese muffins, greek yoghurt with Ditch the Carb’s chocolate grain free granola and berries, boiled eggs or crispy fried bacon and avocado.

Lunches:  Missy will have her usual packed lunches with wraps or multi-grain Jackson’s bread (soya free) with hard goats cheese (she can tolerate Manchego goat’s cheese but not the cow’s milk proteins in regular cheese) or ham.  These will be alternated with pasta with chorizo, peas and sweet corn. She also gets a portion of fruit or veggie sticks. Sometimes she gets crisps, or popcorn and either water or a fruit juice.  Again, we alternate. I’ve baked a dairy free chocolate sponge for her lunchbox treats.

Hubby gets a free lunch at work so I’ll be having leftovers or soup.

Dinner:

MonSlow cooker bolognese (I’ll have mine with salad instead of pasta)

Tue: Lemon and herb chicken wings (Marinating since Sunday evening – to be cooked on the day) with salad

Wed: Possibly a takeaway or leftover bolognese with garlic bread and salad

Thur: Chicken a la king with rice (none for me), broccoli, green beans & steamed butternut squash

FriChicken & chorizo pasta (no pasta for me) with green beans and butternut squash

What are you having this week?

Bright blessings,

Mrs R

x

Crafty Planning on Etsy

Hello my lovelies,

Since I’m returning to work, Missy has been rather anxious about after school club and childcare arrangements since I’ve always been there before and after school. While she will be going to her godmother who is a childminder a few days a week she was still worried she wouldn’t remember what was happening on which days.  I also thought it couldn’t be a bad thing for her to learn to manage her own little life and to get a better idea of what was happening on what day, who’s birthday was coming up and that kind of stuff.

So I got her a little planner.  While it wasn’t expensive, we had fun setting it up and choosing washi tapes to go in it. We wrote all the details she would need to remember in it and she was so excited.  She took it to school and showed her teacher who thought it was a fabulous idea because she knows how anxious Missy sometimes gets.  She’s an AMAZING teacher.  Like next level amazing.  Anyway, I digress.

Earlier last week, Missy’s planner went missing. She swears she kept it in her tray at school and I believe her.  We drove back to school to see if we could find it to no avail. Other things in the classroom had gone missing earlier in the week too.  It was all very strange.

Missy was really upset as was I.  Here I’d though I was helping her to feel less anxious but she was so upset about it going missing that she cried for ages and kept promising me she had put it in her tray.

I did everything I could think of in the hopes of getting it returned including informing her teacher who also searched the classroom and putting a message on the Year 3 parents group on Facebook to ask that bags me checked in case one of the kids mistakenly picked it up.  You know?  Mistakenly. I also asked the office a few times over a few days if it had been handed in.

Nothing.

I offered to buy Missy a new one but she didn’t want a new one. She wanted the one she’d worked so hard on.

I mentioned in the UK Planner Addicts Facebook how disappointed I was that it had gone missing and had so many people sending positive thoughts in the hopes it would be found. One lady, Jodie the owner of Crafty Planning offered to send me some stickers from her kids range for when my daughter either got her planner back or we bought a new one.

Well, Missy went in one morning this week and once again and after working with her stuff from her tray all morning knew her planner wasn’t there.  After play time, she went back into class and went to get her stuff out of her tray again and her planner had been returned!  She was so happy!

 

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Then today, we went to a birthday party and got home to a wonderful RAK (random act of kindness)  from Jodie at Crafty Planning from her new kids range. Missy is in love with these beauties.

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The colours are so vibrant and I just love the original designs.

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And best of all they’re only £1 per sheet!  That’s pocket change!  I’m so happy with these and Missy can’t wait to start using them.  Of course you could use them for more than your child’s planner.  They could be used as reward stickers, or on little notes in the kids lunch boxes.  They could go on the covers of their school books before you cover with plastic or used to decorate their pen pal letters.    Pretty and versatile!

And best of all is that Jodie has a Kids Sticker Club!

Here’s the blurb from her store about the club:

“This club is designed to give your little person a sense of doing their own planning and being able to enjoy their own planner stickers and happy mail. For each registration for every £5 per month the adult spends with the registered Etsy account, they will receive one free sheet of stickers from the kids section. (Please put a note in the note to seller section to request this). The child’s order will be posted in the same package as your order unless additional postage is purchased for them to receive their own happy mail.

Children will also receive a birthday card and sheet of stickers as long as the adult has made a purchase from the shop within the last three months prior to the child’s registered birthday.”

What a fantastic way to make your little one feel special!

As of next week I will be working again and can tell that I am going to be a regular at Crafty Planning. I’ve only recently started using stickers in my planner – I only really started planning last year and am still learning my planner style.

If you place an order with Crafty Planning please pop the words – recommended by Leo in the comments box and I might get a little treat too.

As always, thanks for reading and happy planning!

Bright blessings,

Mrs R

x

 

 

 

Menu plan w/c 22 January 2018

Hello my lovelies,

I know I’m pretty much posting only my menu plans at the moment but I’m going through a major Spring cleaning jag at Swish Cottage and am using every spare minute to get our home in tip top condition.

Want to serve appetizing, mouth watering food to your family every night? Menu Plan Monday takes all the guesswork out of meal planning. Follow the blog for weekly menu plans, recipes, crafts and more.

I’m keeping it simple this week.

Mon:  Aldi mint & rosemary lamb shanks with colcannon mash and veg

Tue:  Spaghetti and meatballs with green salad. Tinned peaches & custard for pudding

Wed: Chicken salad wraps with home made Thai pumpkin soup

Thur: Macaroni cheese with salad. Jelly for pudding

Fri: Bratwurst dogs

Sat: Chinese birthday dinner at my friend’s house

Sun: Roast chicken, roast potatoes, veggies and gravy

Bright blessings,

Mrs R

x

 

Menu Plan w/c 8 January 2018

Hello my lovelies,

Want to serve appetizing, mouth watering food to your family every night? Menu Plan Monday takes all the guesswork out of meal planning. Follow the blog for weekly menu plans, recipes, crafts and more.

If you’ve been reading my blog posts you’ll know I’m planning on saving lots of cash this (check out my money saving post here) year and one of the ways I’m doing that is by menu planning.

By using up things in my freezer and pantry rather than buying new stuff I really don’t need, I saved £20 last week!   I’m so menu planning again this week and this is what we are having:

Monday:  Toad in a hole with veggies & gravy (recipe to follow)

Tuesday: Roast dinner

Wednesday: Slow cooker spaghetti & meatballs

Thursday:  Slow cooker chicken korma & rice (I’ll be using The Organised Mum recipe)

Friday: Slow cooker pulled pork rolls (I’ll be using The Pioneer woman’s recipe)

Saturday:  Leftovers

Sunday:  Pie, chips, veg & gravy

As you can see I’m relying on my slow cooker for 3 of our meals this week. I ADORE my slow cooker it’s really a godsend.

What meals do you have on your menu plan this week?

Bright blessings,

Mrs R

x